Yellow Kitchen Dreams

Thoughts on Mercy

We in the church like to talk about mercy. We, I think especially in the Reformed community, debate how to show mercy, and to whom, and what is the individual’s responsibility and what is the church’s responsibility. We read Keller, and decide to love him or hate him - or, unfortunately, simply diss what he says without reading it. On our good days, we try to put our words and theories into actions. We collect food for the deacon’s food basket. We pass out meals to the homeless. We go on mission trips and paint houses and run kid’s clubs. I’ve done all that. And I love being a part of those things. But I’m at a point in my life right now where it’s hard for me to participate in much, if any, of it, and then I feel bad. 

I’ve been convicted lately that there’s more to mercy than specific “mercy ministries”, as important as they are. In one way, I think, that while difficult, they are relatively “easy”. You spend 3 or 4 hours on a Friday night or a Saturday morning once a month, and you’re done.

One step harder, in my opinion, is to focus your career around it. That’s part of why I work where I do - for 36 hours a week, I care for people who, in many cases, everyone else doesn’t want to deal with. They may be too poor, under-insured or (often) have no funding. Maybe they’re just too sick for other hospitals. And often they’re people who have been given up on. It’s more time-consuming than a once-a-month “mercy ministry” events, but still relatively “easy” in that it doesn’t encroach on the rest of your life. 

In my opinion, the hardest is in your personal relationships. Your friends. Your family. People who call at night. People who you see in your personal life, not a set-apart afternoon or a week or three shifts a week. People with whom your lives intertwine and intersect over and over for years. People who interrupt your plans. 

And this is where I’ve been convicted, because I’ve been realizing that this is where my calling is. I may not be able to participate in “mercy ministry” events. But I have friends and family who need to be shown mercy, and, I think, that I am called to respond. It’s building (or re-building) bridges and talking through life, whether it’s getting a job or getting married. Sometimes it’s buying lunch or paying for a doctor’s bill or helping someone get their driver’s license so that they can get a job or providing a ride to the grocery store. It’s talking about Jesus when the opportunity arises, even if all you get is an eye roll. It’s being willing to be inconvenienced and set your personal plans aside. It’s opening your heart to the hurt and brokenness and bitterness and pain of this life and not shying away. Day after day, week after week, month after month growing into years after years. This is where the true hard work is. 

This is what I shy away from. I love “mercy ministry” - when it fits in a neat box that I can plan into my schedule, when I can pick it up and then set it down and go home. That is “easy”. I’ve been more and more convicted, especially in the last couple of days, of how I have ignored the needs in front of my face, because they’re too hard, too painful, too messy. 

This is where I need to repent. This is where I need to pray for grace, and then live out of that grace. This is where I need to open my heart, knowing that there will be times when it is exquisitely painful. This is where I need to take up my cross, and do the hard work of loving people day in and day out, for the long term, even when it’s messy. 

Lord Jesus, be my Saviour.